Dreams of Laur

Like so many people in my generation, I suffer from anxiety. There was a time in my life when it completely overwhelmed me and threaten to take control of everything I did. I was in a power struggle against myself – in constant fear that I would never get better. There were many factors that contributed to how I felt and sometimes I can’t even remember why. The sudden panic attacks and the all too frequent insomnia. Why had my life become such a mess? When was the exact moment I fell apart? Why can’t I just get better?

These are questions I kept asking myself over and over again. Of course, it didn’t do any good, as nothing really changed. Slowly I found ways to help myself cope with my anxiety and I did find various techniques that got me into a somewhat stable place in my life. However, I was still experiencing sudden panic attacks and continued to wonder if my life would ever be like it used to be.

Then one day during the end of summer in 2016 I discovered BTS. BTS is a seven-member Korean group that debuted in 2013. I had first started listening to K-pop (Korean Pop) back in 2012, but never really explored much into it until 2016. When I found BTS I felt an emotional weight lift off my shoulders. Many of their songs deal with the struggles of youth and mental illness; subjects that are rare to find in today’s music climate. BTS had just concluded their 花樣年華 (HwaYangYeonHwa) (HYYH) era, also known as The Most Beautiful Moment in Life, with Young Forever. These albums were all centred around the struggles of youth and I began to feel heard and understood.

One of the first songs I heard by them that changed my life was “Tomorrow”. “Tomorrow” was released in 2014 on their second EP Skool Luv Affair. It precedes their HYYH concept but, like much of BTS’s content, deals with the struggles of our generation.

“Tomorrow” is centred around feeling frustrated at our own weakness not being able to move forward in life, the feeling of being lost and hopeless – but encourages the listener to never give up. I started to cry when I heard the lines, “I have a long way to go but why am I running in place? / I scream out of frustration, but the empty air echoes / I hope tomorrow will be different from today / I’m just wishing.” I finally felt like I wasn’t crazy. The lyrics made their way into my heart and I haven’t let go since.

BTS (방탄소년단) – “Tomorrow” – @ BTS Countdown (2017)

Full Korean lyrics and English translation can be found here.

Sometimes I say I wish I had found their music sooner, but they came into my life at the precise moment I needed them. I never would have imagined that a driving factor in my recovery would be a group that sings in a language that isn’t my own. I always get asked how I can listen to music that I don’t understand and my answer is simple: music transcends language. I can easily look up lyrics and translations, it doesn’t matter. Their sincerity and love can be felt by anyone listening.

I still deal with my anxiety every day, but when it starts to get too much, I pop on my headphones and play their music, I watch their performances and shows. It sounds strange, but I don’t know where I would be without them. They have literally changed my quality of life and I will forever be grateful.

I hope that if you are suffering from any kind of hardship in your life, whether it be mental illness or something else, you are not alone. My family also played a huge role in my recovery and I don’t know what I would have done without them. Find people who you feel comfortable talking to, discover new and amazing things. You never know what it will be that will help you. Don’t be afraid, it will be okay. There is always a light at the end of the darkness, don’t give up. Promise me.

“May your trails end in full bloom.” – Suga, BTS

Love,

Lauren

Featured image copyright BigHit Entertainment